Somehow, I went the entire World Cup without knowing about this psychic octopus named Paul until the final match. Apparently while I’ve been living under a rock, there has been this cephalopod hanging out in a tank in Germany, just picking the winners of World Cup games. If you haven’t seen it, take a gander at Paul picking Spain to win it all.
Evidently, Paul is presented with two boxes containing food in the form of a mussel, each marked with the flag of a national football soccer team in an upcoming match. His predictions, according to Wikipedia, have thus been 100% (8/8) correct for the 2010 World Cup and 86% (12/14) correct overall. While it hasn’t been said if Paul is directly related to Miss Cleo, one can only speculate that there is some relation between the two world renowned oracles – but I digress.
Since picking Spain to win the World Cup, Paul has decided to end with a winning record and announced his retirement on Monday. Tanja Munzing, the spokeswoman for Sea Life Aquarium said Paul will “step back from the official oracle business. He won’t give any more oracle predictions – either in football, nor in politics, lifestyle or economy.” And since she’s the only one who can speak octopus, I suppose we just have to take her word for it.
The word in the street is that Paul has often received death threats from disgruntled nations who claim Paul jinxed their teams. An Argentine TV presenter, Roberto Pettinato, apparently harboring a severe grudge against Paul, proceeded to kill one of Paul’s eight-limbed relatives on the air and put it in a blender. What kind of psycho blends an octopus in general, let alone on national television? I hope Dan Gilbert never hears about this because he’s likely to stick LeBron James’ mom in a blender after she convinced her son to leave Cleveland. But back to Roberto, how does he even know that Paul was watching the news that day? And doesn’t it seem a little racist to assume that all octopuses (octopi?) are related? Come on, Roberto, quit being a douche.
So now that Paul seems to be the most hated, err, breathing creature on this planet, maybe LeBron can get some rest. Paul should have his people call LeBron’s people and set up a lunch.